undergrounds | Harvey's Hardware, for all your pipe bomb needs [OPEN]

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Harvey's Hardware, for all your pipe bomb needs [OPEN]

Harvey's Hardware seems like a perfectly innocuous establishment in the southwest corner of Ealing. Old, not terribly well taken care of, but stocked to the brim with a huge assortment of tools and supplies of varying quality (and age). When was the last time anyone came to inspect this place?

Regardless, upon stepping inside you'll find no one named Harvey on the property at all. Instead there's a surly young man behind the counter, someone who looks both tired and wholly too alert at the same time, armed with a thermos of coffee, a stack of manuals on fixing god knows what, and a book of Gaelic poetry.

[A]

Maybe you're just perusing the shelves, minding your own business, when you hear a voice from the till: "Loitering's prohibited. There's a sign outside that says so. If you need something specific, ask." Rude tactic but you'd be amazed at how much product Sasuke can move out of this place by being pushy.

[B]

Maybe instead you were lured in by the sign in the window that advertises a 'buy one get one free' deal on all items of equivalent value in the store. Maybe you even went so far as to ask about the promotion. The answer?

"That sign is from 2009. The guy that worked here before me glued it on instead of affixing it normally. The boss found out last year when he tried to remove it, and that's why he isn't here anymore." All that to say... "That deal's invalid. No discounts."

[C]

Or maybe you're just here to ask for recommendations or buy some hardware. Up to you! Feel free to message me if you have something specific in mind that you want set up.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Pretty delicate," said Heiji cheerfully, hi buddy how ya doin. "I'm tryin' to figure out the feasibility of hanging someone from a roof beam."

Well, okay, strictly speaking he didn't need to buy the rope to figure that out but looking at it was helpful. Imagining the killer holding it, twisting it in his hands, darting his hands out and...

"... I don't want to be legally obligated to become a witness. Don't tell me the details of whatever you're planning on doing." Don't you put that evil on me.

"That said, it's entirely possible."

"Oh yeah, I know," said Heiji, manhandling the end of one of the coils of rope. He lowered his voice conspiratorially, either ignoring or forgetting that Sasuke had asked him not to talk about details.

"The cops think it's a suicide, but it's not!"

"Stop involving me or I won't ring up your order." Or so he responds in a much more aggressive tone, voice matching Heiji's in lowered volume.

"... and don't stroke the merchandise unless you have full intent to buy."

"It's murder," said Heiji, stage-whispering the last word so that Sasuke would be guaranteed to hear it.

He returned to normal volume, but did not let go of the rope. "I ain't so sure I wanna buy anything from here, anyway. The prices seem kinda jacked up."

"It's a small specialty store. Without higher prices it'd go out of business in a flash. I can get you a detective novel that also focuses on the basics of the economy here if you want." The banter offers a welcome lull in the otherwise stagnant workday, though he'd never admit to it.

"I'll make sure it doesn't involve murder since you're fixating unhealthily."

"Please do! I don't mind if it's not about murder, long as it's got a good concept." Heiji was always on the lookout for a good novel.

"So what's up?"

"I'm working while anticipating the need to seek out another job since people think the prices here are 'kinda jacked up'." Cue him crossing something out on the newspaper in front of him. "That's 'what's up'. I'd ask the reverse but I guess the answer is either planning a murder or recreating one."

"I'd ask if ya wanted to pick up a shift at the same place as me, but I think ya actually gotta like people to do that." And Sasuke did not seem to. Like people, that was.

Heiji left his shopping basket behind and moved over to the counter, where he leaned over the newspaper a bit.

Immediately the paper crinkles as he increases his grip, flipping it upward to hide what he's looking at. As if it's not obvious that it's a list of 'help wanted' ads.

"I'm not good with people and they don't like me in return. I doubt I'd be suited for it." ... he lowers the paper just enough to look him over. "Are you actually stalling on your purchase in order to make conversation?"

That was pretty weird, bro, why was Sasuke so secretive about his job search.

"You could always practice! Anyhow, it's not like anyone was coming to help me with my purchase." Sasuke: terrible store representative. This visit was the literal definition of not being able to get a store employee to help at a hardware store.

"I offered to help you, you just changed the subject and started fantasizing about asphyxiation. That's none of my business." Yeah, that's right, I know what you're into.

"And I'm practicing right now, willingly or not."

"That was you offerin' to help? Man, you really do need the practice." He did give Sasuke a bit of a funny look, though, like it was Sasuke who had started bringing up stroking and fantasizing and god knew what else. Maybe he really did need to get out of here as fast as possible...

"Alright, well. I guess I'll leave ya with your wanted ads. Later!"

............

"Are you really telling me that you loitered this long and you aren't even going to buy anything? Is that how you did things in Japan, too?"

Heiji looked quizzically at him. "Just seemed like you ain't want company at the moment. So I thought I'd leave ya alone, maybe come back later."

After all, job searching meant that Sasuke was likely dissatisfied with something at his current job. And certainly if Heiji was in a mood, chatting with customers wasn't as fun.

"My want for company has nothing to do with business. I separate those two things." Right. Business and pleasure. You are not my idea of pleasure even if Sasuke's too repressed to openly show when he's enjoying a conversation.

"Stay." This sounds less like an imploring request and more like he's commanding a dog.

...You sure you weren't hitting on him bro.

He tapped his temple as if he were thinking it over (he wasn't). "Well, I rather like to combine the two. I'll stick around for a bit if ya make it worth my while, though."

Because that response isn't just as suspect or anything; look who's talking.

"... I'm willing to negotiate. What do you want and how much money are you willing to spend?"

Forget it, Sasuke, Heiji wasn't into teenagers!! Go down to the basement and stay there till you're 20. Or grow out of your haircut, whichever came first.

He pointed to a few items in succession. "That, that, and one of those. I'd give ya £10, I guess." It was a pretty aggressive position, and didn't leave the store much in the way of profit margin, honestly.

I will keep this haircut until death!!!

"... Suddenly many separate parts of you have to come together and begun to make sense. You're cheap." Cheap in details, cheap in conversation, cheap in shopping. He makes it look like he's giving a lot and then you walk away realizing you've uncovered zero secrets and have no money.

GOOD BECAUSE YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD WITH THAT HAIRCUT

Heiji looked surprised. "You... do you not know how to haggle?" This was some uncharted family for him. Sasuke probably didn't even know about Osakans, which was complete blasphemy.

"I know how to haggle." Not especially.

"But you can't possibly believe I'll allow you those for ten. They're worth thirty."

Heiji didn't bat an eye this time, just leaned an elbow over the counter and smiled. "Don't kid me; that's a 66.67% margin. Eleven."

That smile might as well be the coming of the Anti-Christ with how challenging the look he returns is.

"Twenty-five."

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