Harvey's Hardware, for all your pipe bomb needs [OPEN]

[eyeforaneye]

Harvey's Hardware seems like a perfectly innocuous establishment in the southwest corner of Ealing. Old, not terribly well taken care of, but stocked to the brim with a huge assortment of tools and supplies of varying quality (and age). When was the last time anyone came to inspect this place?

Regardless, upon stepping inside you'll find no one named Harvey on the property at all. Instead there's a surly young man behind the counter, someone who looks both tired and wholly too alert at the same time, armed with a thermos of coffee, a stack of manuals on fixing god knows what, and a book of Gaelic poetry.

[A]

Maybe you're just perusing the shelves, minding your own business, when you hear a voice from the till: "Loitering's prohibited. There's a sign outside that says so. If you need something specific, ask." Rude tactic but you'd be amazed at how much product Sasuke can move out of this place by being pushy.

[B]

Maybe instead you were lured in by the sign in the window that advertises a 'buy one get one free' deal on all items of equivalent value in the store. Maybe you even went so far as to ask about the promotion. The answer?

"That sign is from 2009. The guy that worked here before me glued it on instead of affixing it normally. The boss found out last year when he tried to remove it, and that's why he isn't here anymore." All that to say... "That deal's invalid. No discounts."

[C]

Or maybe you're just here to ask for recommendations or buy some hardware. Up to you! Feel free to message me if you have something specific in mind that you want set up.

Comments

[detectiveofthewest]

...You sure you weren't hitting on him bro.

He tapped his temple as if he were thinking it over (he wasn't). "Well, I rather like to combine the two. I'll stick around for a bit if ya make it worth my while, though."

[eyeforaneye]

Because that response isn't just as suspect or anything; look who's talking.

"... I'm willing to negotiate. What do you want and how much money are you willing to spend?"

[detectiveofthewest]

Forget it, Sasuke, Heiji wasn't into teenagers!! Go down to the basement and stay there till you're 20. Or grow out of your haircut, whichever came first.

He pointed to a few items in succession. "That, that, and one of those. I'd give ya £10, I guess." It was a pretty aggressive position, and didn't leave the store much in the way of profit margin, honestly.

[eyeforaneye]

I will keep this haircut until death!!!

"... Suddenly many separate parts of you have to come together and begun to make sense. You're cheap." Cheap in details, cheap in conversation, cheap in shopping. He makes it look like he's giving a lot and then you walk away realizing you've uncovered zero secrets and have no money.

[detectiveofthewest]

GOOD BECAUSE YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD WITH THAT HAIRCUT

Heiji looked surprised. "You... do you not know how to haggle?" This was some uncharted family for him. Sasuke probably didn't even know about Osakans, which was complete blasphemy.

1/2

[eyeforaneye]

2/2

[eyeforaneye]

"I know how to haggle." Not especially.

"But you can't possibly believe I'll allow you those for ten. They're worth thirty."

[detectiveofthewest]

Heiji didn't bat an eye this time, just leaned an elbow over the counter and smiled. "Don't kid me; that's a 66.67% margin. Eleven."

[eyeforaneye]

That smile might as well be the coming of the Anti-Christ with how challenging the look he returns is.

"Twenty-five."

[detectiveofthewest]

Stop eyeballing him, weirdo. "Wow, you're really starin' into my eyes, there. Twelve, but you have to give me a smile! A nice one."

Was that even possible...

[eyeforaneye]

"Twenty-four and I won't ruin smiles for you forever by impersonating one."

[detectiveofthewest]

"12.5 and your best effort at a smile." Weren't you happy, Sasuke? He wasn't going to hold you to producing an actual one...

[eyeforaneye]

"No. It'll leave the store in debt if I offer a deal like that.

I'm not giving you better than twenty-three."

[detectiveofthewest]

Well, it wasn't like Heiji wanted to do that. If the store really did have a problem turning a profit, that was. "What're you guys doin', being from like twenty middlemen? Show me your calculations and your supply chain; I'll believe it when I see it."

[eyeforaneye]

Is he... is he serious...

He really is, isn't he. "You want me to go digging through records to show you the figures for this quarter? I told you that I don't lie."

[detectiveofthewest]

This smile. "I'm sayin' I'll help you cut costs! Then you can take the savings the store gets from following my advice and use it to give me a discount. That way the store won't be in debt and I can buy this for cheap. Of course, you can still go ahead and charge everyone else the same prices, if that's your thing."

[eyeforaneye]

You are insane.

"You want to do financial consulting work in return for a twenty pound discount." ... "Don't move." Here he stands, putting away both the paper and his book as he heads into the small back room. When he returns it's with two full ledgers, huge and old and poorly organized. "Here."

[detectiveofthewest]

Heiji began flipping through pages at a rapid pace; hopefully the ledgers didn't include anything untoward, because he had a photographic memory. Well, not that petty theft really interested him that much, anyway.

"Looks like you had some discrepancies about a year ago, but they straightened out since. Did one of the employees leave around that time?"

[eyeforaneye]

"That's when the owner started coming in only once every other week." How encouraging is this. Are you sure this is worth twenty quid? Are you sure?

There's nothing unsavory in there beyond a few shipments from discreet Russian companies of materials that may or may not be technically legal anymore, but... Someone's managed to chase off inspectors.

[detectiveofthewest]

"Mmmhmm." Heiji turned a couple more pages. "Well, if you want my advice, you're better off finding another job, like ya said. Soonter or later, someone's gonna come sniffing around. Not all of this is aboveground, y'know."

He looked up from a wrinkled page covered with near-indecipherable scribbles. "For instance, this shipping company? That look like an honest charge for drill bits to you? I don't think so. Not even for part manufactured overseas."

[eyeforaneye]

"You're very critical of a good deal, which seems almost hard to believe from the man trying to pressure me to change listed prices in an accredited store." Accredited by one Uchiha Sasuke, because he said so... annnd by no one else for several years.

"Is that your financial advice, then? To shut down the store?"

[detectiveofthewest]

"Might not have a choice. But here's a few things you can do in the short term." Heiji listed off a few points: cost-saving measures, negotiations with existing accounts, a few overages here or there that could have been avoided.

"But that's just if the owner listens to you, ya understand."

[eyeforaneye]

"I don't think he's coming back and I've been managing the accounts on my own for several months now." So there's that bomb of truth right there.

"I'll take these measures into consideration." So he says as he starts ringing up his order... for ten pounds.

[detectiveofthewest]

What a sweet deal.

"Yeah? Shame to see the place fold, then." No wonder Sasuke was so stubborn about the discounts. He placed the money on the counter in case Sasuke was also some kind of weird germophobe.

He took something else out of his pocket, too: a smartphone. "Hey, give me your number."

[eyeforaneye]

"What?" His number? It makes him pause right in the middle of reaching for the money.

"No. ... Why? No." He broke, give him a second.