Harvey's Hardware, for all your pipe bomb needs [OPEN]

[eyeforaneye]

Harvey's Hardware seems like a perfectly innocuous establishment in the southwest corner of Ealing. Old, not terribly well taken care of, but stocked to the brim with a huge assortment of tools and supplies of varying quality (and age). When was the last time anyone came to inspect this place?

Regardless, upon stepping inside you'll find no one named Harvey on the property at all. Instead there's a surly young man behind the counter, someone who looks both tired and wholly too alert at the same time, armed with a thermos of coffee, a stack of manuals on fixing god knows what, and a book of Gaelic poetry.

[A]

Maybe you're just perusing the shelves, minding your own business, when you hear a voice from the till: "Loitering's prohibited. There's a sign outside that says so. If you need something specific, ask." Rude tactic but you'd be amazed at how much product Sasuke can move out of this place by being pushy.

[B]

Maybe instead you were lured in by the sign in the window that advertises a 'buy one get one free' deal on all items of equivalent value in the store. Maybe you even went so far as to ask about the promotion. The answer?

"That sign is from 2009. The guy that worked here before me glued it on instead of affixing it normally. The boss found out last year when he tried to remove it, and that's why he isn't here anymore." All that to say... "That deal's invalid. No discounts."

[C]

Or maybe you're just here to ask for recommendations or buy some hardware. Up to you! Feel free to message me if you have something specific in mind that you want set up.

Comments

[eyeforaneye]

"If you're referring to the sign in the window, you'll notice the note below it saying it's no longer honored." Yes. The extremely small note with the even smaller print.

"The owner's refused to authorize that deal for several years."

[mensrea]

"What!?"

Jaw dropping, he stumbles away from the counter, hands held up in the universal "hold on" gesture, before rushing outside to ascertain this for himself. When he returns, it's in a flurry of movement.

"This is bullshit! That's like, false advertisement!"

He is soooo not going to return all this stuff to their rightful shelves. Sorry, Sasuke.

[eyeforaneye]

Well at least there's a moment of entertainment in an otherwise wearying day. Sure, it gets old having to explain that damn sign so often, but this reaction is more excited than most.

"Someone glued it there. I'm not responsible." Ah, how to make him buy, though... Sharp eyes catch on one of those items, which he then nods to.

"That one is on sale. It's a good deal." Is it.

[mensrea]

Stiles is not impressed, and makes this known with a loud, displeased huff.

"So cross it out with permanent marker or something, dude! Or do you get off on tormenting your customers by tangling their fragile hopes and dreams on a stick, only to rip monetary savings out of reach at the last minute!?"

This is accompanied by a hearty finger jab in Sasuke's general direction.

He is trying, very hard, to ignore the item the other boy is indicating. He will not fall prey to your lies again, villain.

[eyeforaneye]

What a cruel accusation. One that he's having trouble fully focusing on what with the next page in his book containing his favorite poem but no, he's one hundred percent here with you.

"... This one is on sale too." A brief indication. "I'll throw in a marker for you as well if you want revenge on the sign." It'll definitely wash off in the rain; it always does. But Stiles doesn't need to know that. All he needs to know is what great deals are available here, and also the fact that he needs this job.

[mensrea]

The poetry book is being treated with an equal measure of self-righteous disdain, though he makes no attempt to further secure Sasuke's divided attention.

"You... You're a con artist!"

In spite of these words, Stiles has just selected a bright pink marker and smacked it down on the counter. He may not be happy, but damn he can't turn down a good deal.

"Where's your manager, huh?"

[eyeforaneye]

"If you're talking about Harvey, the owner, I haven't seen him for two weeks. My guess is that he's realized the store is no longer financially viable and has chosen to flee the country in order to escape collectors before they show up again. I wouldn't know; I'm not educated on matters of debt transferral." There is just zero filter here. Zero.

He picks up the marker, however, examining it for a moment. "Do you want all the rest of the items still?"

[mensrea]

Somehow, in a world that only recently includes the existence of supernatural beings, this is the weirdest conversation he has had to date. And that includes the time he had to lie to his father about why he was stashing several feet worth of metal chain under his bed.

"Yeah, sure," he agrees, way too readily for someone who was arguing so vehemently thirty seconds ago.

[eyeforaneye]

Whoa back up let's talk about the chain story; I want to hear that one.

He desperately wants to make a comment about how easy that was but that would truly defeat the purpose, so instead he just nods and repeats the total. "That's the total including three bags, tax, and with the price of the marker not included." A pause as he again looks over the myriad items.

"You look like you're going to build your own house with all this, you know."

[mensrea]

Alas! Your social link rank is far too low for that anecdote, Sasuke. You may try again next week.

“I always wanted to build a treehouse.” Clink. A single pence is purposefully dropped onto the counter. Stiles resumes digging through his wallet. “Man, if properties in this city had any land on them, I'd totally make that dream come true here.” Another pence. He’s going to pay for all this shit. With coppers.

1/?

[eyeforaneye]

Rats.

"You'd have the tools for it now, at least."

2/?

[eyeforaneye]

Wait. Is he paying for this one coin at a time.

3/?

[eyeforaneye]

...

[eyeforaneye]

[eyeforaneye]

[eyeforaneye]

done!

[eyeforaneye]

"Are you finished? Why aren't you carrying any notes? Is this a joke?"

[mensrea]

Startled, Stiles pauses in the midst of placing down his seventh pence. He's even arranged them neatly side-by-side.

"Joke?" Another pence. This time, it is stacked on the first. "No, of course not. What kind of lame ass joke would that be." He laughs; it sounds vaguely maniacal for a guy who barely packs any muscle. "Almost as lame as a bogus promotion that doesn't exist."

Revenge. Sweet, passive aggressive revenge.

Another pence.

[eyeforaneye]

. . .

"Very well. Perhaps it's fine like this, since I'll be needing your name, address, and phone number for the mailing list anyway. While you're exercising your thumbs for the next five minutes I can write it all down." Surely you didn't think that this was over. Surely you didn't think that you had gotten your revenge and then gotten away with it.

[mensrea]

Oh no. This is not according to keikaku. The kid here is honest-to-god trying to one-up Stiles in his grand vision for vengeance. Flabbergasted, he fumbles the handful of pences he'd been palming and they go flying in every direction. How could this happen to him. Capitalism is truly the root of all evil.

"Mailing list!? Hey pal, I didn't agree to that!"

[eyeforaneye]

Each and every visible coin is shot a distinct look of disdain before he's willing to redirect the full force of it back onto Stiles.

"It's part of our policy. Didn't you hear me say that this place won't stay in business too much longer? You won't actually be sent anything. It's just a measure I have to follow. Blame bureaucracy and corrupt politics." What.

[mensrea]

Cue several long seconds of fish-mouth gaping before Stiles suddenly straightens, giving Sasuke a knowing look.

"Ohhh, I get it."

He grins a bit, visibly pleased, and then resumes putting down coppers.

"You're trying to ask me out, right? That's really sweet, dude. I'm touched. Are you planning on Facebook stalking me? I should probably delete some pictures..."

The wallet is snapped shut so that Stiles can take out his smartphone to, apparently, do just that.

[eyeforaneye]

W h y, again. Oh my god, PAY FOR YOUR DAMN HAMMERS.

"If I were trying to ask you out then you would know because I'd be far more direct than you'd ever be prepared for." Is this... is this a threat?

"Start with your name; I have a form to fill out." And indeed he does. One from 1987. One that he slaps on the countertop, pen in hand.

[mensrea]

It kind of sounded like a threat, so Stiles just blinks dumbly while trying to process the idea. Far more direct…than he’d ever be prepared for?

“What, like you’d strip off your clothes or something?”

Guess what, Sasuke—you’re not the only one with no filter. Stiles is genuinely trying to figure out what the other boy was insinuating. And totally not answering the question.

[eyeforaneye]

He should definitely just deny that accusation and move on. This is the last thing in the world to get competitive over, and one of the worst people with whom to try to have a good logical argument. Right.

"As if I'd tell you and give you the chance to prepare after all." Damn. "You don't have a hope of ever knowing, now focus your easily distracted mind. You're turning out to be a really subpar customer." Who says judgment in retail can only go one way.