[ Active / Open ] How long can I neglect me for

[knightscode]

The month has become a little rough for Lancelot. First there was his suspicions regarding Jean-Claude, then Raymond's declaration, then... then everything got a little worse. It was only a weekend hes spent in the basement with Raymond's lackeys, but he's still recovering from the blood loss -- and it's shaken him more than he'd care to admit.

i) Semi-Open: At Home, Richmond.

For a few days after, Lancelot simply shuts himself in and tries to recharge. He's sore, covered in vampire bites and bruises and a little uneasy still. Lancelot may not have been taken directly from his home, but he wasn't far from it. He still can't be sure if they were watching his house, how long for if they were. If it was chance or luck, if it was planned.

He won't refuse visitors, but in truth Lancelot is rather content with just Lily for company at the moment. His mind is busy, and having lost a fair amount of blood he's also tired.

An awkward amount of time has been spent inventing a passable reason he's in such a state for people he simply can't tell 'oh it was vampires', and that's... difficult. He hates lying. Yet all the same he's managed it, somehow, had to halfway makeup that he's already done something about charging those responsible and he doesn't want to talk about it.

Which just leaves Lancelot standing in his kitchen staring absently at the coffee he's just made, wondering if he can get away with putting some alcohol in it this early in the day. Lily stays pressed to his side like a peculiarly white and fluffy shadow of concern, perhaps wondering what she might be able to do to help.


ii) Open: Night Council territory & various others.

He knows he can't stay at home forever, though. Eventually Lancelot has to go back to work, and he knows the longer he leaves it the harder it will be. So a few days after it Lancelot heads back in, wearing a little more clothing than strictly sensible on a hot day to try and cover up some of the bites and bruises he's sporting. He checks in with all his cases and paperwork in Westminster, picks up a few things and heads out onto the street.

Lily tags along with him for support, so he tries to walk in the shade when he can -- her thick white fur making her suffer a little in the summer. He's pausing by a shop at one point to pour out a little water for her when she nearly trips someone up moving, and Lancelot makes a little ah sound and bodily pulls her closer.

"Forgive me," he says softly, shuffling the bowl so she can lap some of the water up. "She's a little restless in the heat."

Samoyeds are built for Siberia, after all, not for 30°C. The dog fusses to get at the water, leash looping around her a little even as Lancelot looks up to offer an apology smile.

Comments

[thelittlemerman]

When Finnick smiles this time he seems... amused. Lancelot may have lived with the fae, but he doesn't understand. Maybe his view of the entire world is this optimistic, but Finnick knows better.

"There's no acceptable version of me that is also true," he says, missing the regret he might feel if this were in any way a recent revelation. "If I want to be anything, making anything of myself, I have to cover up how I really am. That's all there is to it."

[knightscode]

Lancelot flickers a slight from at that, because it isn't... good.

"You can't be happy that way," he ventures, because living a lie is never a happy thing. He circles his drink idly, takes a sip as he thinks. Can it really be so? It might be that Finnick has set himself up to believe it, but there might be a way around it? Or, even, it might be as simple as enacting the change in the way things are himself?

Lancelot is always an optimist though, he believes in a better world and in helping build such a thing if he can.

[thelittlemerman]

"I've been happy before, I think that counts for something," Finnick says with an empty laugh. In truth, he's a bit afraid to be happy, because maybe that means he's forgetting about all the awful realities of the world. He has to be careful and alert or else he may get trapped again.

"I'm happy when things are simple, but that doesn't happen very often outside my own home."

[knightscode]

'Happy before'.

Something about that makes Lancelot feel terribly sad, but pity is a thing no-one likes. His smile twitches up to something rueful, though, because he understands the sentiment.

"I sometimes wonder what my life would be like," he admits, "if I had stayed oblivious to all of this. I like to imagine it would be simpler, but the truth is I'm not so sure it would be. Life has a way of complicating things if we like it or not."

[thelittlemerman]

Finnick nods slowly. He's considered that a lot - the question of why me? He can't even imagine a world where he hasn't been what he's been through, doesn't even know who he'd be right now. Maybe he'd still be some carefree fae thinking only of the next exciting adventure, or maybe something else would come along to make his life hell in a different way. It's not worth dwelling on, is what he's concluded, though he still dwells from time to time.

"I suppose things like this have to happen to someone," he says with a weak smile.

[knightscode]

"They do. Perhaps it is better it happens to those of us who can stomach it, instead of those who cannot."

Even if they aren't handling it with grace, they are at least handling it. There are some, Lancelot knows, who would not be able to at all. He takes a sip of his drink, ruffling at Lily as she paces under the table -- slipping his fingers under her chin and tilting it up so he can look into her trusting brown eyes.

"The world can be a cruel place, but there are always good things too." Shifting his fingers he tugs her forward so he can ruffle at her better, smiles back up at Finnick. "If none of this had happened to me I wouldn't have been able to make all the friends I have, or help the people I have. Like Lily."

Yes, like his dog. Prime example. Best dog friend.

[thelittlemerman]

Finnick frowns in thought as he watches Lance play with his dog. He thinks of Annie, how he wouldn't have her if not for all of this, but it's still tempting to consider a life where he didn't have to endure what he went through.

"Can you really bring yourself to be grateful like that?"

[knightscode]

Can he? Lancelot thinks about it seriously a moment, scratching idly as his chest as he turns over the question.

"Yes," he says finally, "I don't see why I wouldn't be. I've made friends I can count on. I've been given the opportunity to make a difference. My life is not perfect, not in the slightest. A lot of it has been unhappy. Yet... so much of it has been good too. I'd rather suffer but grow from it than have missed all this. After all, who am I to say it would be better? It might be worse. Or it might be boring."

He flicks a small, faint sort of smile. Boring isn't so bad, in truth, but the sentiment stands: he's grateful. He wouldn't change it.

[thelittlemerman]

Finnick smiles down at his hands, and it's a tired sort of smile. "I'd love to be as sure as you," he says, despite Lancelot's pause. He thinks far too often that boredom would be preferable to how he feels a lot of the time, but he knows Lancelot is right for the most part. If he didn't have what happened to him he wouldn't have Annie or a purpose like he does now.