Elizabeth (
tearmeanewone) wrote in
undergrounds2016-02-22 10:44 pm
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Entry tags:
[Open] I'm Not the Same Kid From Your Memory
Date: Catch-all for February
What: A crisis of conscience. But what can someone as separated from politics like her do?
How humiliating.
Elizabeth had known from the start that she wasn't fit to be Maiden, and yet she'd let Norrell and Sylvia talk her into being paraded around as a possibility, not thinking about what would happen when she-- surprise surprise!-- wasn't. Landing in the water after being harassed hadn't been so great either, and Norrell's reaction (or really, lack thereof) spoke volumes. He probably would have preferred that she'd drowned quietly, wouldn't he?
She's been staying away from the circle, embarrassed and feeling betrayal she probably had no business feeling. And used, that was the worst feeling of all. They'd used her. Just like in Virginia.
But what was she supposed to do? These were the people who were supposed to protect her, and instead they're parading her around like a show pony with a big 'KILL ME' sign around her neck. Leaving would be suicide, and who else would teach her how to use her power? Not Circle Midnight, obviously. So she had to, somehow, make her own situation tenable.
[A - Early February]
But how? She didn't know anyone, she intentionally stayed out of things if she could help it, unless it involved keeping people alive. February is still freezing by her standards, but the only way to get her mind quiet is to run. So she starts jogging at the park near her dorm-- she's pretty fast on her own, even when she's dressed for the cold weather. As she runs, she goes back and forth in her head. How fast, realistically, would she be crushed if she actually stood up to Norrell?
[B - Mid February, for Illya]
As much as she thought about it, she could really only speculate about the outcomes. She needs someone who will be painfully blunt with her, and fortunately she actually knows someone like that. Who she just happens to have a certain potion for-- at least something good came from assisting Norrell at Croydon again. Elizabeth sends Illya a text and waits at the deli they'd last met at, mostly staring out the window and waiting instead of drinking her coffee.
[C - Late February]
It's really the only option available to her, she thinks as she downs another shot. Elizabeth is young and inexperienced, but she isn't dumb. Norrell assured her assistance at first because she thought the same kind of loyalty would be extended to her, and the second time he'd bought her fair and square. But the incident on the boat is decidedly unforgivable. He's a jackass is what he is. What kind of leader just watched his student struggle to not drown?
Not again. She'd be damned if she let herself be moved around a board like a chess piece by Gilbert Norrell again.
...Not that she is one-hundred percent sure of what she's going to do or how she's going to go about it, but that's something for a night that's not the one she's decided to quietly rebel against her mentor. Right now, she's enjoying some drinking and dancing away from her roommate. Just remembering what it's like to live free for a night.
What: A crisis of conscience. But what can someone as separated from politics like her do?
How humiliating.
Elizabeth had known from the start that she wasn't fit to be Maiden, and yet she'd let Norrell and Sylvia talk her into being paraded around as a possibility, not thinking about what would happen when she-- surprise surprise!-- wasn't. Landing in the water after being harassed hadn't been so great either, and Norrell's reaction (or really, lack thereof) spoke volumes. He probably would have preferred that she'd drowned quietly, wouldn't he?
She's been staying away from the circle, embarrassed and feeling betrayal she probably had no business feeling. And used, that was the worst feeling of all. They'd used her. Just like in Virginia.
But what was she supposed to do? These were the people who were supposed to protect her, and instead they're parading her around like a show pony with a big 'KILL ME' sign around her neck. Leaving would be suicide, and who else would teach her how to use her power? Not Circle Midnight, obviously. So she had to, somehow, make her own situation tenable.
[A - Early February]
But how? She didn't know anyone, she intentionally stayed out of things if she could help it, unless it involved keeping people alive. February is still freezing by her standards, but the only way to get her mind quiet is to run. So she starts jogging at the park near her dorm-- she's pretty fast on her own, even when she's dressed for the cold weather. As she runs, she goes back and forth in her head. How fast, realistically, would she be crushed if she actually stood up to Norrell?
[B - Mid February, for Illya]
As much as she thought about it, she could really only speculate about the outcomes. She needs someone who will be painfully blunt with her, and fortunately she actually knows someone like that. Who she just happens to have a certain potion for-- at least something good came from assisting Norrell at Croydon again. Elizabeth sends Illya a text and waits at the deli they'd last met at, mostly staring out the window and waiting instead of drinking her coffee.
[C - Late February]
It's really the only option available to her, she thinks as she downs another shot. Elizabeth is young and inexperienced, but she isn't dumb. Norrell assured her assistance at first because she thought the same kind of loyalty would be extended to her, and the second time he'd bought her fair and square. But the incident on the boat is decidedly unforgivable. He's a jackass is what he is. What kind of leader just watched his student struggle to not drown?
Not again. She'd be damned if she let herself be moved around a board like a chess piece by Gilbert Norrell again.
...Not that she is one-hundred percent sure of what she's going to do or how she's going to go about it, but that's something for a night that's not the one she's decided to quietly rebel against her mentor. Right now, she's enjoying some drinking and dancing away from her roommate. Just remembering what it's like to live free for a night.
no subject
The ladies she's covening with at the moment are all very nice, but Siobhan is still a little too much of an individualist to so easily slip into someone else's system. Maybe if she could build her own from the ground up it would chafe less.
no subject
"That sounds amazing. I'm in Norrell's coven right now, him and Childermass and I just feel... like I'm hanging around a pompous country club. But... practicing magic with another woman just seems... much more pleasant." She gets a wistful look on her face, then she looks puzzled. "That's probably terribly sexist. It's true though? Sexist but true...?"
She's a little blitzed.
no subject
Maybe one day equality will be an actual thing and gender won't matter, but as it is Siobhan can definitely understand why a young woman might find it a comforting thought to practice her craft with another young woman rather than a couple of men.
no subject
"Maybe--" she points at Siobhan and narrows her eyes. This is a good thought, get ready for it. "Maybe it's less that, and more that I feel I have almost nothing in common with them. Not just on a biological level, but age-wise, interest-wise, philosophy-wise... So that just makes it harder."
no subject
"Aye, I imagine it would. Only problem is that if you took of there'd be no one to argue with them."
And Siobhan thinks that is desperately needed. She also suspects that maybe Norrell needs some love. But she thinks pretty much everyone does.
"Maybe I should just come join you guys. Balance things out a wee bit. Norrell would probably shit a brick."
She's just brainstorming here, because clearly something must be done. She also needs to actually do some drinking considering what she paid for the abomination in front of her, so she downs about half her glass in one go. Smooth.
no subject
"Hey now, I can spin this-- 'Mister Norrell, I realize that while I'm learning so much from you, I feel as though I must do what all baby birds do-- stretch their wings outside of the nest~'" At that, Elizabeth stretches her arms up and out as though she were halfway between relieving her back muscles and flapping. "'Could you spare me to go make my own way, if only for a little bit sir?' That's good, right? That's really good!"
no subject
"Aye, you deserve an Oscar, you do."
no subject
"But seriously-- if we had a third... we could do it. Form a coven."
no subject
It's... a really exciting idea, more exciting the more she thinks about it, really.
no subject