undergrounds | [Open] I'm Not the Same Kid From Your Memory

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[Open] I'm Not the Same Kid From Your Memory

Date: Catch-all for February
What: A crisis of conscience. But what can someone as separated from politics like her do?

How humiliating.

Elizabeth had known from the start that she wasn't fit to be Maiden, and yet she'd let Norrell and Sylvia talk her into being paraded around as a possibility, not thinking about what would happen when she-- surprise surprise!-- wasn't. Landing in the water after being harassed hadn't been so great either, and Norrell's reaction (or really, lack thereof) spoke volumes. He probably would have preferred that she'd drowned quietly, wouldn't he?

She's been staying away from the circle, embarrassed and feeling betrayal she probably had no business feeling. And used, that was the worst feeling of all. They'd used her. Just like in Virginia.

But what was she supposed to do? These were the people who were supposed to protect her, and instead they're parading her around like a show pony with a big 'KILL ME' sign around her neck. Leaving would be suicide, and who else would teach her how to use her power? Not Circle Midnight, obviously. So she had to, somehow, make her own situation tenable.

[A - Early February]

But how? She didn't know anyone, she intentionally stayed out of things if she could help it, unless it involved keeping people alive. February is still freezing by her standards, but the only way to get her mind quiet is to run. So she starts jogging at the park near her dorm-- she's pretty fast on her own, even when she's dressed for the cold weather. As she runs, she goes back and forth in her head. How fast, realistically, would she be crushed if she actually stood up to Norrell?

[B - Mid February, for Illya]

As much as she thought about it, she could really only speculate about the outcomes. She needs someone who will be painfully blunt with her, and fortunately she actually knows someone like that. Who she just happens to have a certain potion for-- at least something good came from assisting Norrell at Croydon again. Elizabeth sends Illya a text and waits at the deli they'd last met at, mostly staring out the window and waiting instead of drinking her coffee.

[C - Late February]

It's really the only option available to her, she thinks as she downs another shot. Elizabeth is young and inexperienced, but she isn't dumb. Norrell assured her assistance at first because she thought the same kind of loyalty would be extended to her, and the second time he'd bought her fair and square. But the incident on the boat is decidedly unforgivable. He's a jackass is what he is. What kind of leader just watched his student struggle to not drown?

Not again. She'd be damned if she let herself be moved around a board like a chess piece by Gilbert Norrell again.

...Not that she is one-hundred percent sure of what she's going to do or how she's going to go about it, but that's something for a night that's not the one she's decided to quietly rebel against her mentor. Right now, she's enjoying some drinking and dancing away from her roommate. Just remembering what it's like to live free for a night.

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"I will be sure to!" he says to her, perhaps making her instantly regret her words. "You are learning well, Miss DeWitt! I must admit, I used to be unsure of how headstrong you were -- but I can see you have begun to understand the way of things! It brings me great pleasure to see a pupil of mine doing so well, great pleasure! We will see this wrong fixed, I assure you."

No, as stomach-turning as this conversation is, Elizabeth can't feel regret over it. She disagrees with his treatment of a group of people in their magical community and she objects to being treated like a pawn-- but she can't just blow up the bridge between them, flip him the double bird and walk away. She needs Daybreak, she needs to stay protected, she needs to be in control. She might need his trust later on.

So she smiles, warm and feminine, and doesn't disagree out loud.

"Oh my father said the same thing before I came here-- that's just how I am! Full of youthful enthusiasm and inexperience, right? But we all learn someday." People had youth and enthusiasm stamped out of them if they didn't cling to it. At the very least, she wasn't going to start hating her life so soon.

"Ah, yes. I suppose it is the way of things! I was young myself once, after all! Oh, I remember things well enough."

He thins his lips and nods at that, and something about his demeanour says it is not a happy memory he recalls. Still, he seems to shake it off and smiles at her again -- pats her hand again gently.

"Turn your enthusiasm to learning and you will find everything you need, I am sure of it! I have written up some more notes for you -- have you had a chance to look through my annotations on Sutton-Grove yet? It is soon to be a quite topical subject, with the new laws, you should be sure you know it!"

Shockingly, the look Norrell gets on his face when he mentions being young gives Elizabeth pause-- not because it's hard for her to believe Norrell was once young and maybe just a little less of an arrogant prick (some things just were learned with age...), but because he looks... sad. Genuinely sad.

That all comes crashing down at the word 'annotations'.

"No, not yet. I'm still... recovering from the excitement surrounding the Maiden selection. I can't stand going to the Circle and seeing everyone looking so disappointed..."

Can't stand them staring at her, more like it.

Norrell's brow furrows in sympathy and he nods at that, because of course. It must be such a disappoint, for everyone and for her! Not only to be passed over, but for a Midnight witch too! A Widdowson! Oh, it is the worst sort of tragedy!

"I understand," he says, quite earnestly too. "It must be difficult. Perhaps you would be more comfortable if you were to come to see me in Mayfair, or perhaps at the Night Council offices? Ah, I could show you my library! Perhaps that would take your mind off things?"

Library.

Shoot, Norrell really did know how to get her legitimate attention. She loves libraries-- magical libraries especially. They always had the strangest, most unique things in them. And while Norrell's might be a little less exciting, it would still be a library.

"That... probably would, yes," she says with a hesitant little smile. "Only if it's not an inconvenience, though."

"Not at all!" he counters cheerfully, "I should like it very much!"

After all, so dull as Norrell is as a man himself his library is a wonder to behold. The largest collection of magical texts in the United Kingdom, magical and on the topic of magic both, for Gilbert Norrell is a hoarder when it comes to books. He collects them in a miserly fashion and is very careful about who he lets read them. After all, Norrell does not only collect books he agrees with -- his knowledge must include absolutely everything, even that which he dislikes!

"Oh..." It's hard for Elizabeth to not be blindsided by Norrell's enthusiasm over sharing his library. For the most part, she'd thought he was a man who just enjoyed going on and on about his own opinions and beliefs and struggles. But... apparently he'd like her to visit his library?

It actually makes her feel a little bad about all of the snide comments she's been making in her head.

"Well, if it's not inconvenient, I'd very much like it too!"

What Elizabeth does not consider, of course, is that by taking her to his library he might tell her all about books which he disagrees with and books which share his opinions. The question of how freely he will let her read his books is also another thing entirely, for it is a struggle for him to share much of anything -- books especially.

"Then it shall be done!" he exclaims, "I will have some tea and chocolate arranged, and perhaps some biscuits. Oh, but I do understand the need for a little quiet! I myself often long for York! The houses in London are so small, Miss DeWitt! I have had to leave so many books behind! In York everything is much less noisy and expensive, and you might easily pass a week of study with not another soul to disturb you! You can imagine how surprised I was when I bought a house here!"

...A week away from London with only Mr. Norrell and his library as company.

She really hopes he's not planning on taking her all the way to York, and is just suggesting she visit his 'small' house in London. "Can't be smaller than my dorm room, ha ha..."

Her dorm room is like a closet. If there was an earthquake, her shelf wouldn't fall onto her bed, it would hit the wall opposite first.

"Why did you move here if you like York better? Is the magical community bigger here?" That seems to be the easiest explanation, but Elizabeth has never seen York so how should she know?

"Oh, very much so! And of course London is the heart of the Night Council! It is where laws for all of England are made, where the most difference can be made!"

After all, Gilbert Norrell would very much like to make a difference! To make magic respectable! Elizabeth has probably heard him professing the importance of respectable magic before, clean practical magic! Magic which, of course, does not venture anywhere too adventurous nor too dark -- and certainly not at all anywhere near anything fae.

Ah. Well. That would make sense for Norrell. Get in where the political-getting is good, where he can scrape together as much power as possible and bend the ear of the most influential people. However...

"Do you still have your house in York? Maybe you could, I don't know, take vacations there or something."

"I do! I could not possibly sell Hurtfew Abbey! I still have so many books there, so much furniture! No, no, I could not sell. Yet I do wish I had more time for holidays, as you say! It would be nice to return there! Oh, the amount of study I could get done!"

He looks wistful at the thought. The seclusion is something he misses greatly, in truth, and the pleasure in simply being able to do his own thing! Not too many visitors, not too distraction and bother.

"Maybe you should! Take a... holiday."

Vacation. Vacation. She's American and it's a vacation, as everybody in America says.

"I've read some articles online that say if you don't take time to rejuvenate, take time off from work and do things you like to do, your stress levels can decrease your productivity."

"Oh, you are very kind to worry Miss DeWitt -- but I could not possibly! No no, the Night Council elections are beginning soon and I must be in London for that!"

He must, after all, defend his seat. The fact that he won it before via somewhat underhand methods also means he has never had to formally stand for election before. It is sure to be unpleasant as an experience for him, since he detests parties and mingling so much.

Oh right.

Night Council elections.

...fun.

"Maybe afterwards?" So she wouldn't have to endure reminder after reminder that he'd triumphed and was about to 'make a difference' in the magical community and what a great burden he had taken on for the good of all, et cetera, et cetera...

"Perhaps, once things are arranged and settled," he allows -- then brightens at a thought. "Perhaps you can assist with the campaign! Oh, I am sure there are many young witches who would listen to you. Someone who almost became Maiden! Of course, I understand it may be a sensitive topic for you for some time now -- such a great disappointment! -- but the fact that you came close at all does give you an advantage!"

One which Norrell would be happy to use, of course.

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[Open] I'm Not the Same Kid From Your Memory

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