Matthew Jones (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
paenumbra) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
undergrounds2016-02-10 07:53 am
paenumbra) wrote in undergrounds2016-02-10 07:53 am
Entry tags:
Nobody Needs to Know (February Catch-All)
I. All right - the panic recedes
Matt stood outside the main campus building staring up at the entrance. An uneasy ball of anxiety sat heavy in his stomach. Ever since he'd used his abilities on Simon's parents he had been avoiding the Institute. He wasn't proud of the fact he'd been absent from his studies but the thought of facing his professors (and running into Simon) was low on his list of priorities. Still, he didn't want to be thrown out for failing to show up for his lessons. The shame and guilt made it difficult for him to face the consequences yet her he was, a few steps from biting the bullet and getting it over with.
Matt took a few tentative steps up the stairs, gripping the strap of his shoulder bag hard. He reached the door and paused once more. Maybe he needed one more day, he thought to himself. He'd email a few professors first, call around and get the notes from others in class. After all, what was one more day? It wasn't as though he was going to be in any greater danger of losing his position if he showed up tomorrow instead of today.
He turned from the door and began to walk back down the stairs. Already the uncomfortable feeling in his chest was disappearing. Matt knew he should just head back to class but not now. He wasn't ready. One more day spent hiding wouldn't kill him.
II. All right - everyone bleeds
Matt was a regular at the strip club now. It wasn't just the bodies that danced on the stage, their bodies writhing around the pole in ever inventive configurations. There were other reasons why Guilty Pleasures was his first (and usually only) stop for the night. That reason was found in the dark corners, shining eyes watching the warm bodies that were flush with desire.
He could control it, he told himself night after night. He'd set the ground rules and dance that razor thin edge where pleasure and pain mixed. Strange, he normally never liked to mix pain in his vices but lately it seemed to fit. Maybe he was indulging in some medieval form of punishment but that would be acknowledging he felt guilt for everything that had happened with Simon. Matt didn't want to delve into the psychological reasons - he just wanted to forget. Being bitten made the world disappear.
III. All right - I get what I need
Rolling from one vice to the next was easy for Matt. He'd never been to a brothel before - had never had to pay for what was easily won with a smile and suggestive word - but tonight he felt the need to lose himself with another person that didn't involve blood. Maybe if he could simply get sex out of his system he'd be clearer minded. At least he'd finally scratch an itch that had been bothering him for months now.
IV. And nobody needs to know
Home. It was strange how quickly the flat had become synonymous with 'home' in Matt's mind. All of his late nights and early mornings kept him away from the one place he longed to be. But he couldn't face Simon other than a few brief encounters that were nothing more than a casual glance as Matt ran out the door. Now after almost a month since the event that sent him spiraling out of control, Matt was tired. He missed Simon. He wanted to come home. He only hoped he still had a home to come back to.
Matt stood outside the main campus building staring up at the entrance. An uneasy ball of anxiety sat heavy in his stomach. Ever since he'd used his abilities on Simon's parents he had been avoiding the Institute. He wasn't proud of the fact he'd been absent from his studies but the thought of facing his professors (and running into Simon) was low on his list of priorities. Still, he didn't want to be thrown out for failing to show up for his lessons. The shame and guilt made it difficult for him to face the consequences yet her he was, a few steps from biting the bullet and getting it over with.
Matt took a few tentative steps up the stairs, gripping the strap of his shoulder bag hard. He reached the door and paused once more. Maybe he needed one more day, he thought to himself. He'd email a few professors first, call around and get the notes from others in class. After all, what was one more day? It wasn't as though he was going to be in any greater danger of losing his position if he showed up tomorrow instead of today.
He turned from the door and began to walk back down the stairs. Already the uncomfortable feeling in his chest was disappearing. Matt knew he should just head back to class but not now. He wasn't ready. One more day spent hiding wouldn't kill him.
II. All right - everyone bleeds
Matt was a regular at the strip club now. It wasn't just the bodies that danced on the stage, their bodies writhing around the pole in ever inventive configurations. There were other reasons why Guilty Pleasures was his first (and usually only) stop for the night. That reason was found in the dark corners, shining eyes watching the warm bodies that were flush with desire.
He could control it, he told himself night after night. He'd set the ground rules and dance that razor thin edge where pleasure and pain mixed. Strange, he normally never liked to mix pain in his vices but lately it seemed to fit. Maybe he was indulging in some medieval form of punishment but that would be acknowledging he felt guilt for everything that had happened with Simon. Matt didn't want to delve into the psychological reasons - he just wanted to forget. Being bitten made the world disappear.
III. All right - I get what I need
Rolling from one vice to the next was easy for Matt. He'd never been to a brothel before - had never had to pay for what was easily won with a smile and suggestive word - but tonight he felt the need to lose himself with another person that didn't involve blood. Maybe if he could simply get sex out of his system he'd be clearer minded. At least he'd finally scratch an itch that had been bothering him for months now.
IV. And nobody needs to know
Home. It was strange how quickly the flat had become synonymous with 'home' in Matt's mind. All of his late nights and early mornings kept him away from the one place he longed to be. But he couldn't face Simon other than a few brief encounters that were nothing more than a casual glance as Matt ran out the door. Now after almost a month since the event that sent him spiraling out of control, Matt was tired. He missed Simon. He wanted to come home. He only hoped he still had a home to come back to.