undergrounds | some kind of resolution (january catch-all for nancy and annie)

Finnick just frowns, but inside his heart breaks. He can't stand the idea that she would think that, that he feels anything but love and devotion for her, and he's almost angry that anything could make her think something like that - that maybe he made her feel that way. He quickly wracks his brain for anything he may have done in the past few days that would have made her feel like that, but comes up short.

He shifts his weight, holding himself back from embracing her just yet. That would seem like he's dismissing the problem, and he doesn't want to do that. He wants her not to feel that way, but the only way to do that is to find out why she feels that way and work from there.

"Of course I'm not," he says earnestly. "What makes you say that?"

She wants to reach out and hold him, but she can't right now. She can't dismiss her own thoughts as readily as that. But she was so used to ignoring herself, in favor of focusing on others. Her hands twitch to meet his, but she stands her ground.

"It's- it's just in the last week I, uhm. I met Eames, with the plans?" She isn't even sure of her own voice. "I mentioned you. He, uhm- didn't- you didn't- and then Ringer earlier. She didn't- I just- Finnick." She focuses on his name, clinging to it, trying to steady her readily rushing mind. Deep breaths, Annie. Stay here. Stay here, don't leave, you had to have this conversation. She couldn't let her mind win right now.

She focuses on breathing for a few seconds, in and out, in and out, pulling barely perceptibly on her hair. When her grasp on reality is firmer, she speaks again, quietly: "you never mentioned me."

Finnick crouches down next to the window sill so he's looking up at her. It's not that he's trying to catch her gaze, but he doesn't want to feel like he's literally talking down to her. He always took for granted that she would understand why he wouldn't tell everyone he met about her, why he'd avoid talking about it.

"I don't tell fae about you, Annie," he says gently. "I don't tell them because some fae see humans as playthings. Some of them might try to take you from me, if only because I looked at them wrong once a hundred years ago. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't know that Eames wouldn't... take it out on you, somehow, if I took a wrong step."

He did deliberately not tell people, then. She looked away from him, swallowing thickly and blinking her eyes. Hot tears pooled in their corners, but she refused to cry. It didn't matter that it was for her own safety, because it also meant he didn't think she was as capable as she tried to be. Wouldn't make him the first, and it certainly wouldn't make him the last, either.

"Then put me under your protection- you can do that, can't you?" She loved him, she wanted people to know she was with him. And it hurt that he couldn't. Wouldn't. "It's- it's a really stupid thing. Really stupid. But- I want to be with you. I love you. I want everyone to know."

"Annie," he says sadly, getting a little closer, taking her hand in his. He's always told her the truth, never ducked away from it like he's so good at doing with others. This, however, is something he's always been too ashamed to say out loud, even to himself.

"I'm... I never wanted it to be that way between us. Me protecting you. The truth is, if things get bad, I'm not sure I can." His voice is quiet and there's fear at the edges. "You know what I've been through, and I'm trying every day to make it so that that will never happen again, but I'm still not that strong. Even if I put you under my protection, that doesn't mean my protection is good enough."

Annie grit her teeth, giving her hair a swift tug.

"But clearly it is that way, Finnick! If you think it's- You don't want to protect me. But you think you can't, so you do." She wasn't sure if the words even made sense, but to her, on some level, they did. The fault was in the articulation. "You don't tell people to protect me! See?" She gestured at the space between them, taking her hand from his.

"You don't need to. But know that I protect you with my life. Because I love you and I want what's best for you. For us." She chose that moment to take his hand again. "Your protection is more than good enough for me."

"I'd die for you too, Annie," Finnick says, his voice getting desperate. He doesn't want her to believe this, that there was some shame in his intentions where he avoided telling people about their relationship. "You have to believe me, I thought keeping this quiet would be better, that you wouldn't get caught up in all the awful things that happen in my life because of what I am. If it weren't like that, if I weren't involved in this, I'd tell everyone. Annie..."

He tries to get closer, looking up at her with pleading eyes. "For me I was protecting you. Please believe me."

"That doesn't mean- I don't know. I don't know, Finnick. You're strong enough. You're stronger than you know. I believe in you- believe you. And I love you. So much." She leans in to kiss his knuckles. She loved Finnick, and knew his protection would be more than enough, because he was capable of more than he knew. Hers likely wouldn't be enough, but she would try.

"We protect each other. But I want you to tell people. I don't want to be a- a secret."

"Of course," he says, "if that's what you want, Annie." He reaches up to brush some of her hair away from her face gently. "You know I'll do anything for you."

She nods, moving in closer to him. "It's stupid. I'm so stupid." But she wanted everyone to know that Annie was dating Finnick and that Finnick was dating Annie and that they loved each other. Maybe then people wouldn't second guess her, wouldn't look at her like she was sad and pathetic for falling in love with a fae that obviously didn't feel the same way.

She leans her head on is shoulder.

Finnick puts his hand on the back of her head and strokes her hair. "No," he says gently, "you're not. I should have talked to you about it before, told you why I don't tell people about us."

Annie lets go of his hands in order to place them on his chest, to hold him close. "I didn't think I minded. But- but then Ringer and- and Mr. Eames- and I just-" She inhaled slowly, shakily. "I know you love me. I know you love me."

He continues stroking her hair, sighing softly and looking out the window, letting the city calm him.

"I do. And if they said anything to you, you shouldn't mind them."

She nuzzles against him. "I know. I know. I'm sorry. I love you." A weight had been lifted from her shoulders. He did love her, he wasn't ashamed. They could keep protecting each other, and he could be open about the fact that they were together. It was silly, but it was nice to be able to say that he was her boyfriend. And that she was his girlfriend.

"Don't apologize," he tells her gently, pulling back a little to place a kiss on her forehead. He feels calm now, now that she understands, and now that he knows how to make things better. It's a learning process; the whole thing is. Learning how to move on from what happened to him, how to be with Annie. It's overwhelming sometimes but it's the only thing he has to keep him moving forward and remind him what's important.

She knew what he'd been through, and she was there for him, to help him heal, to help him process. Just as he knew what she'd been through. Both had traumatized them, and they found company and understanding in the other.

"I understand what you were doing," she says softly. "You probably think it's a stupid thing to want." She couldn't take anything easily.

Finnick deflates, and he smiles helplessly at the irony. "Annie, all I want is to live in a world where you and I can be together and safe every waking moment," he says. "We just don't live in that world yet. I thought I was doing what was best for us."

They wouldn't ever be safe. There were vampires out there, witches, people that hated the fae.

Maybe he was doing what was best. But there were also people out there that would leave her alone just because she was with him. "I know." She tells him. "We'll fight for that world. Together."

"As long as you tell me when you need a break," he says quietly, pulling her into another embrace. He doesn't want her wrapped up in his affairs if she's going to be stretched thin as a result. These fae problems are his problems, and his alone; he's happy for her help, but only as long as it doesn't come at the cost of her wellness.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you," she tells him, looking up at him. "Your problems are my problems. You can't take breaks, I won't, either." She was strong enough to handle it. She knew she was.

Finnick shakes his head. "Just promise you'll tell me," he says.

"I will. I promise." She gently presses her lips to his as proof of that.

some kind of resolution (january catch-all for nancy and annie)

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