undergrounds | Sorry is the hardest word

Sorry is the hardest word

Closed to Lydia and Nancy
Warning for Ces talk

It might have been a minor thing to Nancy, but to Lydia, their falling out was a big catastrophe. It came at a time where she thought she was losing Cesare, when she thought that people would be laughing at her, and then Nancy revealed she'd been with Ces too.

Lydia's missed her street smart, wise BFF though. She's grown up a tiny bit, and she's totally stressed out. She needs to hear Nancy's story, she needs advice about Cesare. She needs her best mate.

She's got the wine in: Cesare doesn't care how much she spends, so she's gone for the most expensive stuff she could find in the bar downstairs. Champagne, red wine and white stand ready. She paces, uncharacteristically restless, until she hears a knock on her door.

"Nancy?" She's over at the door at once.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"hey," she says with a smile. She didn't bring any booze- she knew how Cesare felt about it and If Lydia was staying at his hotel then she knew he could spare the money for their drinks.

Once Lydia invites her inside, Nancy holds out her arms to give her a hug. "You were great at the competition- I tried to find you to congratulate you at closing." She gives her a warm smile like nothing had been wrong. looking at Lydia, though, she felt guilt wash over her. And so she says immediately: "I should have told you about Cesare right away."

Lydia lets herself be enveloped in Nancy's hug.

"I didn't go to the closing," she admits. 'I'm trying a new thing. I'm trying to be serious. I don't want everyone just to think I'm silly."

Nancy's comment has Lydia chewing the inside of her bottom lip. "I wish you'd told me too. I'm just... it's a lot to take in, I guess. I don't know what to think, Nancy. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"You're not silly," Nancy said lying through her teeth, though you'd never know it. "you're young, figuring shit out yet. don't worry about it." She smiles and let's go.

Spotting the champagne Nancy doesn't waste time. She points at it and the cork pops before the bottle pours both girls a glass. Nancy guzzles hers before she even bothers to answer Lydia's question.

"I didn't tell you because... Fuck, I've never had to have this conversation. I didn't want to tell you because you'll do what everyone else does: judge me." Sylvia sure did. "But it's not- look. I told you what Cesare and I did was business. And it was. He paid me."

"What? Judge -" But Nancy's barrelled on, and Lydia's confusion is mounting quickly. Her brow creases.
"Cesare paid you? For sex? Cesare paid you for sex? But that means..."

She stares at Nancy. "Are you a - a - a woman of the night?"

She really doesn't mean to judge. She really, really doesn't. She's just shocked. How can Nancy, her confident, fun, has-her-shit together friend be one of those desperate women on a street corner?

Lydia sits down on the bed, and pats the space next to her for Nancy. "Are you still?"

Okay but the way Lydia says it is pretty great. She takes a hesitant seat on the bed.

"no, not anymore. I retired from that life in January- I'd stopped sleeping with Cesare by the September before that. He and Cooper don't get along and I didn't want to cause trouble. So I ended things." She doesn't mention that Cesare drank from her, too. She figures it's a given at this point.

"uhm... I'm sure you have questions about it." and considering how great it was to talk about Bill to Eponine, she may as well open up the option. "but now you know why half my clothes are so trashy." Because Nancy had grown up trash. even worse.

"Jesus, Nancy." Lydia reaches for the open champagne: she doesn't bother with a glass, but necks a mouthful from the bottle. She offers it across to her friend.
"I would never have guessed. God -" Her cheeks colour red with embarrassment. "I bet you think I'm a right dick. You've got men paying you for sex and here I am complaining about not having a dress to wear or something."

She shakes her head. "I... I mean, God, Nancy, you should have just told me." Lydia Bennet is a lot of things. She's a total snob. She's nasty, silly to a fault, bitchy... but she has a heart too. She can't say she approves of Nancy's chosen profession, but how can she hate someone who has been so good to her over her job?

"How long were you..." she shifts uncomfortably. "You know?"

Nancy accepts the bottle and drinks deeply. Cesare always had great champagne.

"It's fine. That part of my life is over." And though the money was good, she likes being incharge of herself more.

Right. she had said Lydia could ask every question she wanted to. So of course the hard one comes first. "Seven years." Lydia can do the math. "You can say it you know. I was a blood worker, sex worker, prostitute." The only one who can call her a whore is herself.

"I know... but you're better than a prostitute."

Lydia closes her eyes briefly as the full horror of Nancy's life hits her. "You were... twelve? But... but that sort of thing doesn't happen here. It... I mean... Have you been to the police?"

Then it occurs to her, and she feels sick to the stomach. "Were you with Cesare that young?"
Please say no.

Nancy shakes her head, her red hair falling in front of her eyes. She pushes it aside. "No, I wasn't. I did it all- fancy bars, streets, darkened corners of bars."

She nods, taking another drink before handing the bottle back to Lydia. Maybe they needed something stronger. "It does happen. And I couldn't- part of it- you ever heard the expression 'thick as thieves'?" She grimaces a bit and reaches into her purse for her flask. She uncaps it- whisky this time.

"Gods- no. No. When I was that young it was more... whomever knew and could pay." Fagin had a lot of ears and eyes out in the world. She takes a drink of whisky, far too long of a pull, before handing it to Lydia. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I was seventeen when I met Cesare."

"Shit." Lydia is stunned into silence.

So there it is. Nancy is a prostitute, one of those awful women panning for business on dodgy street corners, dressed in tat and cat calling men. The snobby side of Lydia immediately wants to push Nancy away, saying "ew. Disgusting."

But then, Nancy is Lydia's friend - one of her only friends - and she's asking for Lydia to accept her. She's confided in Lydia. She trusts her, and as silly as Lydia is, she wants Nancy to trust her.

"And he...God, Nancy, seventeen?" She takes the proffered bottle, but she doesn't drink it because she's beginning to realise something that is making her feel sick to her very core.

"Didn't Cesare try to help you? Didn't he take you to the police, and get you help? Surely he could have had whoever was making you do it arrested?"

Cesare took advantage of Nancy. It makes Lydia feel absolutely sick.

It's honestly amazing to see Lydia so speechless. If it weren't such a serious moment, she'd want to commemorate the moment that Lydia Bennet is speechless. Maybe she'll giggle about it later while she's trying to fall asleep.

"He didn't know how young I was. And I came to him." She'd been looking for the new vamp in town, the very old, very rich one rumored to own the Angelo. She'd met him, but he'd looked quite different from what she'd imagined.

"But he's always been very good to me." Except the night they'd called an end to their business together, and Cesare banned her from the very hotel she was sitting in. "Besides, there wasn't anything anyone could do." She did her best to keep the others out of her situation, still giving Fagin money for them, as much as she openly loathed him.

"I couldn't turn on him, anyway." Not then. Not completely.

"But... Bloody hell, Nancy." Lydia shakes her head. "It's not right, is it? I mean, it's what you hear about in the Daily Mail. It doesn't actually happen." Except it has, and to her best friend.

"Gosh, and all those times I called your clothes trashy and whined about failing uni... Why did you even listen to me?" It's hitting Lydia just how petty she can be. "Why don't you hate me?"

She does for the champagne again, swallowing a good hit of it. "You know, the first night I slept with Cesare, he was asking if I was one of Nancy's girls. D'you reckon he thought I was a - a - well, you know what?"

"no, it's not right at all." But here they were.

She puts a hand gingerly on Lydia's knee, what's supposed to be a comforting gesture. "Because you didn't know. You wouldn't have said that if you did, I know you that much." She offers a tight smile, then Nancy takes another drink.

"I told him you weren't," she says honestly. "I'm sorry he thought that- it's my fault. That being said... I'd appreciate if you don't tell him we had this conversation. or anyone, really. I'm not proud of my past, and not telling Cooper got me in a spot of trouble with him." Cooper knew she'd had a rough life. He'd only recently learned just how rough.

"And don't tell Dodger." She knew now they had met a few times. "He's a right prat right now."

Lydia snorts a giggle. God, in all of this, it's Nancy comforting Lydia all over again. Spoiled, selfish little Lydia. She takes Nancy's hand, and squeezes it tight.

"Don't be sorry. Look, Nancy, I still think it's ridiculous. Like, seriously. Twelve? It's just - wow!"
She closes her eyes briefly, still trying to process everything that Nancy has told her. "Look - Nance, when you're ready to go to the police and all that, I am totally here for you. You have to tell them, you know that, right? What if whoever made you do it has another twelve year old? You could save them."

She sips some of her champagne. "That Dodger is mega weird. I don't like him. You know, when I was panicking about uni and all that, he was telling me about selling my blood to the vampires. He was saying what a good idea it was - and the cuts of my profits. He's dodgy, Nance. You need to stay away from him: he's trouble."

She shakes her head. "One of the police, he already knows. The Night Council knows, too. But he's been at this for hundreds of years. He's got friends in high places, he does." For as base and vile as Fagin was he had connections.

The idea of Lydia telling Nancy to stay away from Dodger of all people actually makes her laugh. "he's not dodgy- Lydia, he's my brother! Look he-" then the words catch up with her and she almost chokes.

"He- told you to sell your blood?" She asks carefully. "no. Don't do it- there's donors now and it's not safe. I've nearly been bled out- I cannot believe he'd say that! Bloody hell, I'm going to kill him. It was one thing to nearly ruin my relationship but- No, don't sell your blood, Lydia. Trust me. Besides, vampires- they want it both when they can get it. And they don't care about paying."

"He's creepy," Lydia says flatly. Brother or not, Nancy needs to know what the little creep is up to.

"Thing is, I might not have known that, but if he is your brother, I'm guessing he did. He was totally setting me up to get killed or... or - well, you know?" She can't bring herself to even think the words.
"Nancy, he's a proper weirdo."

She takes another drink. "I let Ces do it," she admits. "We rowed - remember after you saw me in Starbucks? God, I am such an idiot. I come here to yell at him for sleeping with everyone else, and I end up letting him drink from me." She smiles sheepishly. "It feels god though, doesn't it?"

Nancy blinks. "He- he was a child when I started doing it. He's been spared the gritty details as best as I can manage it. He don't know enough about it." Fagin may have sold Dodger, but his fae blood was off-limits. Never mind that none of them exactly knew what the boy was.

"Regardless, I'm having another talk with him." Seriously, he was going to get his ass murdered. By Nancy. He was better than that.

...Or maybe he'd turn out just like all the rest.

Nancy nods, leaning in close. "It is- Cesare'll tell you at some point, but there's a vein right on your inner thigh." She grins at Lydia. "Highly recommended."

"He's a creep, Nance." Lydia repeats. "I don't know if he knows what you did, but he definitely told me to do it. I mean, seriously, that's dodgy."

Despite their serious conversation, Lydia can't help but start giggling at Nancy's comments. "Oooh - I'll have to get him to show me. He went proper vampire and bit my neck. It was so good though." She giggles again, but still reaches for Nancy's hand, which she squeezes.
"You really are the bravest person I know, you know."

"I'll talk to him." and kill him. "Between telling you and Cooper these things..." She sighs.

She has to laugh. "Yeah- that's how I started. For a long while Cooper only bit my wrists- but we weren't dating then." He never bought sex from her, she always held that dear.

Nancy squeezes her hand back. "Brave? No, I'm just an idiot. But thank you. You know if you've got any questions about it- other than telling the police- you can ask. I want you to understand fully, I guess." She takes another swig.

"He's an idiot, Nancy. You seriously, seriously need to be careful."

Lydia rolls her eyes. "I think we both know who the idiot is here. I just..." She trails off. Lydia doesn't know what to ask. She can't even begin to imagine the life that Nancy has led.
"I don't know what to ask you, Nancy. But... you know if you ever want to talk, I am so totally here for you, right?"

"He's a kid. Trust me I've handled far worse than Jack Dawkins."

Nancy gives a small shrug. "Thanks, I appreciate it. I don't have anyone to talk to about it anymore... Cooper gets so angry now that he knows the truth... Fuck." She exhales heavily. "No one ever wants to hear the truth about it. When they do they shut down... Or they try to turn it against me. Fucking Redbright did."

"What did Redbright do?"

Lydia just cannot fathom what Nancy's life is. She glances guiltily at her friend before turning to the prosecco again.

"I know I don't get it, Nance. I know I'm going to say the wrong thing, but I am here for you, you know? I care about you. And I will listen to you."

For the moment at least, Lydia means every word she says.

"Nancy, you've been abused. It's not your fault. But we need to sort it out. You know that really, right?"

Nancy takes a nice long swig of her flask. "You're not saying the wrong thing- it's nice to know you'll listen. Redbright... Okay, last year when Circle Midnight fell, I was technically a fugitive?" Best way to put it. "A friend of mine, a guardian, convinced me to go in for a pardon hearing. Redbright did her research; asked me what my job was." Nancy takes another drink.

"So I told her. Same thing I told you. Been on the streets since I was thirteen." She's got a little bit of a smirk going, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"There's nothing that can be done, Lydia. Trust me."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sorry is the hardest word

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw in general for Nancy's life from here on out!

Re: cw in general for Nancy's life from here on out!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject