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I Know What I Did (Closed to Evie)

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It's almost morning when Natasha shows up at Evie's doorstep. She looks good, her color better than anyone in in London would have ever seen. There's more energy in her step, in her stance. Subtly, more confidence. She feels better too, at least physically. It's been well over a year since she wasn't on the edge of starvation, and if she'd ever managed to convince herself that it wasn't so bad, that illusion is thoroughly dispelled now.

Emotionally... she's still sorting that out. Maybe that's why she came here instead of going home.

She can't escape the suspicion that Evie will know what she did the moment she opens the door. And for good reason. The clues are all there—and Natasha didn't pick herself a stupid woman.

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It's safe to say that the moment Evie opens her door- clad in workout pants and a sports bra- she knows what has happened. Natasha smells different, and she looks different. Beautiful, absolutely fucking stunning. Not that she wasn't usually, but it was extra.

That's how she knows what's happened. Without waiting for any sort of anything, Evie reaches forward and grabs her girlfriend's hand, pulling her into her foyer. Down the hall, the soft music, something in Hindi, plays from Evie's iphone, incense in the air. All the relaxation Evie's worked on is gone.

"You drank again." Her brows are furrowed, her statement almost a question. There are so many questions here, that she can't think of where to begin. But one line ran all of her questions (with whom, why, what brought this out, what are you doing, why not with me, why didn't you tell me, etc.), shoving the others to the side: "Are you alright?"

"I did," Natasha agrees, her voice a soft and tight, not quite a whisper. She lets herself be brought inside. "When you say it that way, sounds like it's part of a pattern."

Her jaw tenses and she glances away. She's not sure yet if this is going to become part of a pattern.

"And I'm sorry for that." Because she was. But that didn't stop the fact that she was concerned about Natasha.

She takes her hand.

"But are you alright?" She looks into her girlfriend's eyes, begging her to tell the truth. Because if Natasha wasn't okay, she'd do anything in her power to get her back there.

Natasha bows her head, lowering her eyes. She can't bring herself to meet Evie's gaze, a little shame uncurling in her belly, queasy.

"I'm fine. I wasn't hurt. It was&mdash'it's complicated, but it was a considered decision." She licks her lips, still tasting that girl's blood. "I needed to get Cesare to listen to me."

Even before Natasha speaks, she's rubbing her thumbs over the other woman's knuckles, moving in a bit closer.

Honestly, she looks more than fine. She looks great. But she knew that Natasha had been trying to avoid human blood, and it was something Evie respected. She never fed in front of Natasha, certainly not from a human, at least.

So Natasha made a decision. A stupid one, but a decision, and presumably for the right reasons. That's a bit more surprising, honestly, than hearing that Cesare Borgia is the one behind it. Evie rolls her eyes. "Of course he did. What happened?"

"We were talking politics, but he didn't want to talk to me." She looks up, her gaze clear but she feels nearly drunk on the blood, even though it was only human. "I needed to give him a reason to think I'm not completely Sylvia's creature."

A pause as she gets her head straighter, then she says, "The girl was one of his. She's fine. He stopped me before I could take too much."

Natasha would have rathered it was Evie.

Evie presses her lips together. "Good- at least the girl's safe." And consenting, she certainly hoped.

"And are you alright?" She moves in a little bit, catching Natasha's eyes. "You're absolutely sure? Do you need anything? I can heat up something for you-" she'd been keeping animal blood on-hand for her girlfriend.

"No," the answer comes almost too quickly, the idea of animal blood repulsive right now. "No, I don't need anything. Not like that, at least."

She licks her lips, remembering the taste of the girl, and acutely the sense that she's compromised herself. She's not sure how she'll recover from it. "I'd like to sit down. I need to clear my head."

Evie nods. "Okay. Sit anywhere you'd like. My room? I can leave you alone." Whatever Natasha wanted, she was prepared to give her. She'd give up on yoga for the day.

"I can draw you a bath, if you'd like?" Let her do something. She never did well when there was nothing to be done.

"A bath sounds perfect," Natasha says after a brief hesitation. She can see Evie's anxiety, and she'd love to say her agreement is meant to comfort her, but in reality, she feels dirty. Just a little. Like she can still feeling her decision on her skin.

"And some company, after? Maybe a movie. Just... I'd rather not be alone."

"Of course. I've got some of those bath bomb things, if you want." She wanted to take care of Natasha in any way she could right now.

"Don't worry- after you get out of the bath, we can watch anything you want." She turns on the faucet, starting to fill the large tub up. "Use anything you'd like. I'll get something more comfortable for you to put on, too." Maybe fix up something light to snack on- the human food she was still so fond of.

"That sounds nice." Natasha shakes her head, trying to offer a smile. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have worried you. It's not that bad. It's just... it's complicated."

"No, you have nothing to apologize for," she says, reaching out to brush a lock of hair out of Natasha's face, and lean over to kiss her forehead.

"And I've got the fluffiest towels for you, as well. You relax and take as long as you want. Let me know if there's anything else I can get you- candles, tea, music, I don't know. Whatever you want."

"I'll be fine. Just... a bath. I'll feel more human again after that." Maybe the wrong choice or words, but she'll leave them. Call it wishful thinking. "Might take me a little while, but warm water and a bath bomb are a good first step."

"Okay. Like I said, take your time. I'll be here." She'd finish up her yoga, then get on to finding some sweats for Natasha and fixing them some tea.

"What's mine is yours. Make yourself at home. I'll be outside."

Natasha gives a last nod before she excuses herself. It'll be over an hour before she emerges again, more subdued and collected than when she went in, hair wet and wearing Evie's robe.

She still looks healthier than ever, so much better.

"Can I still join you?"

She looks absolutely perfect. Evie sits up straighter when she enters the room, and nods, extending a hand toward her.

"Of course. How was the bath? I've got some tea and biscuits here, if you'd like." She gestures at the tray she'd set at the end of the bed. "And most importantly-" she hands Natasha the remote.

Natasha sits next to her girlfriend, close enough their thighs touch. "What I needed. It cleared my head." She sighs, still looking sad, but it's less shaken. She leans in to kiss Evie's cheek. "Thank you, for worrying about me."

"Good." She moves the blankets so that Natasha can slide in next to her. With the kiss, Evie's got her head leaning against Natasha's shoulder.

"Of course. That's what girlfriends are supposed to do, I've heard. I wouldn't know, though, I'm new at all of this." She reaches over for her hand. "Do you want to talk, or ignore it completely?"

"You and me both." But they seemed to be doing okay. Hopefully. At least, Natasha hadn't managed to ruin it yet. There was something nice about sitting this close when she was warm with blood, too. Hard not to feel like she'd been missing out all this time.

"Is not talking about it an option? I'd say I probably owe you an explanation."

Evie reaches over to take a lock of Natasha's hair in her hand and idly plays with it. She loved her hair.

"For now, it is. But I would like to know what happened."

"I'll tell you, promise. I need a little time first, though" She tilts her head into the touch, her eyes half closing. Everything feels better now, like her skin fits her better and the sensations are truer. "Not long. I owe you an answer."

"Of course." Evie finds herself leaning in toward Natasha, placing her lips gently on her forehead. Oh, she's warm. She likes it.

"Take your time, but know I'm here whenever you wish to discuss. But I will be waiting." So don't forget to tell her, so she can go stab Cesare.

Natasha likes it too. That's what makes this so difficult. And so tempting—there's a part of her that would very much like to just enjoy this.

"Everything really is all right. I mean it. Not as planned, but it's okay."

She nods. "Alright. I just want you to be okay." She doesn't really move, keeping her girlfriend close to her.

"I am." Natasha closes her eyes. "Sylvia sent me to talk to Cesare. To try to turn him away from his crusade against her. Or at least to get some information. He wasn't all that interested in talking to me though, so I gave him something he's been wanting for a long time. To keep his interest."

She might be abbreviating the story too much for it to make sense, but that's basically what it boils down to. Natasha wants to keep in with Cesare, for the information and the influence, if she can win any, and to do that she had to do something to convince him he wasn't wasting his time with her.

Absentmindedly, she starts to run her fingers through Natasha's hair, holding the other woman close. Evie presses her lips together, but doesn't dare pass judgement. She drinks, of course, from the willing.

"You made a brave choice." She says neutrally. "and did what you had to do to fulfill your mission."

"It wasn't brave." Natasha doesn't want that. She's not going to pretend there was anything virtuous about what she did. "But it was what I had to do, and it accomplished that."

"You did." What more is there to say? "Did you get the information you required?" Goodness, she hoped so.

"Yes and no," Natasha says. She never imagined Cesare would actually back off Sylvia, but she felt like she had a better bead on Cesare than she'd had before. More than that, she thinks she has Cesare's attention, and that is something. "I think I got something out of it. We'll have to see if it's worth the price."

"We will. And I'll be beside you for all of it." She pressed her lips to Natasha's forehead once more.

Natasha lifts her chin and and brushes her lips over Evie's, showing her gratitude. And if there's a little more heat than there was normally, Natasha hopes her girlfriend will understand.

The heat, she doesn't mind. Evie leans in so their foreheads are touching.

"You said something about a movie, then?"

"I did, didn't I?" She licks her lips, still leaning in close. "Didn't notice there wasn't one on."

She nudges Evie's nose with her own.

"Do you miss one?"

"-did I-?" and then she gets it. Oh, hello, Natasha's nose and closeness. And goodness, her warmth.

"I think we're all the entertainment we need for the night." TV was still new to her, all things considered.

Natasha figured Evie would after a minute, and she's not disappointed. She wishes this were more simple, that she felt like this under better circumstances, but as it stands, all she finds she really wants right now is this closeness. It's a comfort she needs.

"We'll think of something."

"I have the utmost faith in that." Evie moves slightly, turning to face Natasha more. Still holding her hand, she uses the other to reach over and touch her girlfriend's hip, gently test the waters.

These waters prove friendly as Natasha tugs Evie closer, pulling her into a kiss—light at first, experimental, then probing more deeply.

Well. Good. She kisses her deeper, reaching up to cup her cheek.

Yes. Yes, good. Natasha is far more comfortable with this than she is discussing her choices and whether or not they were right, or how she'll deal with the fallout. Right now, she would rather kiss her girlfriend—especially with warm, human blood in her veins, making her feel more vital than she has in well over a year, Natasha is only to quick to press into the kiss, throwing one leg across Evie's lap.

Evie's second hand dips down to graze alongside Natasha's backside, grabbing on to her ass firmly, showing that she approved of Natasha's movements. Whatever she wanted tonight, she was welcome to have, Evie was sure of that much.

Natasha seems to take that as permission, and she goes with it, sinking into the kiss, her hands slipping up under Evie's shirt, fingertips tickling her ribs as she leans into her.

There's a small exhale, almost a snort as Natasha's long, graceful fingers trace her ribcage. This was so much better than any sort of movie.

Natasha seems to agree. The blood warms her cheeks and her lips, and the longer they kiss, the more Natasha's hands explore Evie's sides, the easier it is to forget her discomfort over feeding. This is good. She'd rather focus on something good.

Evie presses herself against Natasha as she tries to hold the other woman closer. One hand has since started to tease the idea of dipping past the waist-band of Natasha's pants, touching the bare skin just lightly.

"God you're so warm," she whispers breathily, between kisses.

"It's been a long time." Natasha's words are breathy, rawer than they usually are in moments like this, her reactions more intense than they have been since they she went off human blood. She'd almost forgotten what it's like to feel this strongly. "This is all right, right?"

Every movement of Natasha's draws Evie in further, holding her tighter, kissing her harder. "Of course- if you want to." Because the way she was moving, the way she felt- Evie wanted to see more of it.

Natasha does want to. If that weren't already abundantly clear, it will be soon. Natasha kisses her again, deeper, hungry, both blood and the need for an escape stirring her passion higher.

Well then.

If Natasha wants to take the reins tonight, Evie is more than happy to let her- it's her night, she'd said. She could do what she wanted. She kissed her deeper, parting her lips and letting her tongue dance along the bottom of Natasha's lips.

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I Know What I Did (Closed to Evie)

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